Before I get to why you should buy pepper spray, I must say I’m feeling like something’s bubbling beneath the surface this afternoon that needs to break out. It’s like volcanic magma, or a white phosphorous grenade, for those of you familiar with ordnance.
Yesterday on the telly the story was AIG. Outrage! More and more outrage!
True, the CEO is a moron, but that isn’t the important story. And no, AIG executives, who pretty much wrecked the company, don’t deserve any money for their efforts.
The real story you should pay attention to, is the goofballs who were basking in the well of the House and Senate, taunting AIG executives with confiscatory taxes if the money isn’t given back to them. The brigade was led by our wonderful friend Chuck Schumer, the senior Senator from New York.
Chucky yipped and yapped while his sidekick John Kerry swooned, or maybe he just badly needed a bathroom break to get rid of the previous night’s filet de boofe.
But let me tell you somthine you probably want to be aware of. The candidates who bagged the most green from AIG are:
1. Christopher Dodd (Now there’s a big sur prise, sur prise, sur prise, as Gomer liked to say). Wherever there is corruption, whether in finance or housing, Chris Dodd is standing there…watching as the building burns to the ground. But he’s going to clean the mess up.
2. Chuck (U Farley) Schumer – Now this is interesteing. The guy leading the cavalry against AIG got himself the second biggest bag of campaign contributions.
3. President Elect B.O. – That is right ladies and germs…El Jefe squeezed in third place in the campaign dough sweepstakes…followed by…
4. John McCain – followed by…
5. John (why the long face) Kerry
6. Joe (Indie) Lieberman
7. Joe (Guh?) Biden
Now of course there were Republicans who took their share…but 85% of those who took AIG money were in the Dumbo Party. (It’s far easier to collect those big amounts.)
They should be forced to give that money back.
They should be fined an amount equal to what they took, and then a bunch more.
They should be voted out of office, and not have any pension.
They should be forced to scrub urinals at Penn Station for the remainder of their miserable hypocritical lives. (Or live with Nancy Pelosi.)
So…you want to buy pepper spray.
Let’s assume you want it to defend yourself and your family, or even your idiot liberal cousin from Massachusetts. Or New York, or Connecticut.
There are several things to keep in mind.
1. The elements.
2. Your location.
3. Range
4. What kind of heat you’re looking for.
You should ask:
When do I strike? Do I spray many times? How effective should my pepper spray be? Am I going to be inside or outside? Is there any wind? Is it raining? If I’m inside and use pepper spray what should I do after?
Myself, like Tim the Toolman Taylor, I like more power. So I always go for Wildfire pepper spray. It can burn the balls off a bear in seconds, trust me. Now sometimes you might prefer the Mace Pepper Gun, which has a good range of twenty-five feet. It won’t burn you like the tenth level of hell, but usually you only need Level 1 or 2. And believe me, the mook won’t be able to tell the difference.
All pepper spray gets the job done. That’s the main reason why you buy pepper spray. It acts as a deterrent, and a good one at that. My personal feeling is that some deterrents are more effective than others, and they leave a psychological mark on a mook. Wildfire leaves a permanent scar on a mook’s psyche, and he will forever equate whatever his crime was to severe pain.
The Mace Pepper Gun can take a mook out without you getting close.
But the thing is, to be effective, you must buy pepper spray, some kind, some type, and carry it with you. It sure as heck isn’t going to be effective sitting in my warehouse. (I pity the fool…)
You wan’t protection…buy pepper spray.
And fantasize of the time you get jumped by a dirty, unshaved mook who looks like Chris Dodd…(spray spray…Oh isn’t that you Senator…spray spray spray…I guess that hurts…spray spray…did you say something there…spray spray…did you ever get around to giving back that AIG money?)
Try it, thinking about that scenario is more fun than you’d imagine.
At least that’s true for me.